Reality Check

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It’s so easy for me to get into my own head and make a giant mess of everything. I’m forever an over-thinker and over-analyzer. And alongside some body dysmorphia issues, I definitely have the tendency to underestimate the stress that I put my body under. It’s hard for me to see an honest, real picture of what I do everyday.

These are some of the reasons I decided to buy a fitbit flex. I love numbers, I love seeing things in black and white, and I love feeling grounded by something. I didn’t get it to help me lose weight- I didn’t get it to worry about calories and food- and I didn’t get it to set crazy fitness goals that would in turn burn me out. I got it to track my general daily activity, to see just how much I walk on a regular basis, to monitor my sleep in a small way, and to remind myself of the priorities I’ve set for myself these days.P1040482Yesterday was day one with my little friend (who I call flex) and when I checked online at the end of the day to see what my numbers were looking like… man oh man was it a necessary reality check.fitbitI can’t tell you how many times I come home at the end of the day, look Will in the face (usually with tears in my eyes), and talk about how gross I feel- how lazy I feel- and how bad about myself and un-confident in the choices I made that day. And he’s just like… Allison- you have no reason to feel those things. He points out the obvious healthy lifestyle choices that I make without even thinking and the extra things I try to do in order to benefit my health. But because I’m hell bent on assuming that I’m doing everything wrong all the time- it’s so hard for me to really believe him. I think, what does he know! Obviously he admires me and the things I do- he’s my boyfriend!

Well. Flex isn’t my boyfriend. I might personify the lil guy, but really- its an unbiased technological device that objectively looks at how I spend my day. And I can’t ignore or downplay its stats.

I literally laughed out loud when I logged in to my account and saw that I had almost walked 20,000 steps. Like, what? That’s awesome! It made me feel really good.

Sometimes I can get obsessive over numbers, but in this case, and while I’m in this weird place where I’m questioning whether or not I’m “doing enough” it’s really nice to have something to objectively tell me, yes, yes you are.

I’m not putting all my happiness and self-worth eggs into this basket- I know better than that- but it’s really helpful to check myself when I’m not giving me the credit I deserve.

It’s also really holding me accountable to sleep. I tend to fudge the numbers with sleep but flex shows me the time I spend actually asleep, awake, and restless (and at what times of the night those things are happening). It’s giving me a better idea of when I get the most solid sleep, what times I usually wake up, and how many hours I’m actually clocking a night. All of this information can only help me as I try to focus on improving my sleep quality.

I’m usually not a fan of technology (unless it’s instagram or the kim kardashian hollywood game), but I really love my little flex (and no, they’re not paying me to say that- these are my own thoughts and opinions).

Sometimes you need a hard slap of reality to the face to make you realize that you just need to calm down already. It’s all alright. It’ll all be alright. You’re good.

As I was thinking about all this stuff and walking, a ladybug fell onto my yoga mat. I took it as a good sign.IMG_20140904_181016[1]

Keep it wicked healthy xoxo

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