Floundering

Okay so April totally flew by. What’s up with that?! I mean… I shouldn’t be surprised but man, May? Already? Wow. Ready or not though… tomorrow…

Without fail, one of my friends will post this on Facebook on April 30th. Even though I’ve seen it for a couple years now- it will always make me crack up laughing. Literally every time I look at it- laughing out loud. I don’t know what it is. For those of you who immediately don’t get the Timberlake/Nsync joke- here is a version with music:

If you’re unfamiliar with the song, the actual lyric is “It’s gonna be me” and this is a joke on how Timberlake pronounces the word “me” in the song. I feel weird explaining this BUT i recognize that there is a wide age range within my blog audience.

I hope this entertains you all as much as it entertains me. I needed this good laugh to roll me into May to be honest. Instead of feeling refreshed and rejuvenated after my weekend vacation, I’ve just felt kind of blah since getting back from Miami. The lousy DC weather doesn’t help anything. April showers better bring me some May flowers. That’s all I’m going to say, DC.

It’s not that I’m bummed that I’m not on vacation anymore- it’s that, right before vacation, I had a lot weighing on my mind about my future and life. I put all that aside in order to enjoy vacation times. BUT now that I’m home- I’ve realized all those questions I had been asking myself are still there. All of the soul searching and life planning I wanted to embark on still has to happen. It’s scary and big and totally intimidating. So the best thing to do is just kind of ignore it and let it stress me out, right?

Between getting back to work, being super busy, trying to play catch up from things I missed over the weekend, and just normal other life things- I just haven’t had time to be alone with my own thoughts. Because I’m currently trying to do a million things at once and am very well aware of some of the quality I’ve sacrificed in order to just get things done- I feel like I’m floundering around in every aspect of my life.

Think less of this guy:

And more like this guy:

Yeah I think THAT guy’s face says it all right there. Usually I’m talking about salmon on this blog– but today- flounder.

Today I felt so crabby (to continue my trend of seafood talk) and lost and overwhelmed and spread thin. There are some days where I LOVE being surrounded by such hardworking, passionate, dedicated, and successful people at work, in the blogging world, in the real world, and in the social media sphere. BUT there are some days where I absolutely hate it. That sounds awful I know. But there’s a thin line between feeling inspired by all these people and feeling pressured by these people. As someone who always wants to be doing more and doing better- sometimes being inundated with all the amazing things that everyone else is doing (or saying they are doing) is just annoying and way too much for my brain to handle.

On top of that- instead of being able to tune it all out and just focus on me- I have the tendency to get sucked in way too far and find myself constantly re-reading healthy blogs, refreshing my twitter feed, and obsessing about how I can increase my success and influence. And I worry that I’m not enough. I get so flustered that I lose all of my focus and can’t concentrate on anything I have to get done because I feel like I’m suffocating and scrambling.

Ridiculous. I know. But this is real talk right here. So since being back in DC- I’ve felt all over the place. I don’t feel “in control” of any major aspect of my life and that freaks me out- it really freaks me out. When I feel as though I have no control over big things (like work and the future)- I turn to the things that I know I can concretely control like food and how much I’m exercising in order to feel some sense of power over my own life. This is bad. This is not good for dealing with disordered eating issues.

Again. Ridiculous. I know. But again. Real talk.

It isn’t until I’m able to breathe for a second {i.e. like right now} that I’m able to calm down and think about everything running through my brain. In these moments I remind myself of something I preach all the time: life is not a race- living healthily is not a competition- your time is your own and you need to do what is best for you in each moment. PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. And be kind to yourself. 

I also remind myself that I’m twenty-two years old. Thus. I should not expect to have my life planned out perfectly. I should not expect to know where I want to be and what I want to do to the fullest extent.

It’s okay to flounder. I know I’m not the only one. In fact- I’m pretty sure almost every single twenty-something I know is sort of in the same confusing place that I’m at. I don’t know one person who has their life completely together- even if it seems like everyone does on days where I’m on the struggle bus.

While looking big picture is important and has its pros- the big picture can be overwhelming. The big picture can seem like a 1,000 piece puzzle that you have barely begun to even put together the four side edges on- hell- you’ve only found the four corner pieces. Let’s be real Embracing the whole “one day at a time” idea sometimes is the best way to take a step back and come back down to earth.

I know who I am. I know what I’m passionate about. I know what I love. I may not have all the answers but I do know that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others and worrying about every little thing. I’m not “falling behind” or “doing anything wrong.” I’m living life. I’m doing things to the best of my ability. There is no perfect way to be or to spend every second that I’m alive. AND I absolutely cannot attain a better grasp on my life by tightly monitoring my food and being wicked OCD about exercising. That’s just ridiculous and being that way just makes everything worse.

So. While there is a lot of my plate and there are big things sitting in the back burner in my brain related to my blog, work, and the future- there is no reason to panic. Yes, there are many many things I want to get done. But I will get to them. I’m not an actual superhero. I’m Allison. I’m twenty-two years old. Life may be short- but I have time. It’s all going to be okay. Thank you for reading my ramblings and letting me use this blog as a space to convince myself of these facts.

I refuse to roll into May on a bad note so I made it a priority to get all this off my chest tonight so that I could wake up tomorrow hopefully more level headed.

Before I sign off- I have to give a shout out to a good friend who nominated me for a Liebster Award. Say wha? (you may be scratching your head right now- that’s totally fine- I was too when I read about it initially). It’s a little thang you can be nominated for in the blogger world that is meant to recognize new writers to the blogger scene. Someone who has been nominated for a Liebster Award in turn nominates eleven other bloggers to share the interweb love. My friend Sara over at Magia e Pasta was recently nominated for one and she then nominated me for one– thanks girl 🙂 She also was kind enough to nominate Will for the award as well {I’ve shared his blog before, but here’s the link again if you’re curious}

I don’t know a lick of German so the name is lost in translation on my part- BUT it apparently means something along the lines of: beloved (as shown in the image above), sweetest, dearest, and valued {Alex- correct me if I’m wrong here}. It make me smile to know that some people see my blog in this way. Me loving my blog is one thing- other people loving it is another story. It’s sort of like children- you obviously love your own baby, but to know your baby has the stamp of approval from other valued members of society? It makes ya feel good. And sometimes I feel as though my blog is my own little baby.

No, I’m not getting an actual award or a prize or money or a fancy title or anything like that- but the kind words and support from a fellow blogger are better than those things 🙂 In the midst of me being really hard on myself today- it was nice to see this. Thank you for brightening my day per usual, Sara.

ANYHOO. I will continue the Liebster Award fun but I’m not necessarily going to follow the original set of rules for nominees. These sort of things are great and I love the support, but they get a little “chain email-esque” after a few go arounds. BUT because Sara took the time to nominate me, I will take the time to nominate eleven other bloggers out there.

If any of the bloggers I nominated want to follow the original rules that the Liebster Award entails- feel free to base them off of Sara’s post which I linked to above andddd right here.

My Nominees:

  1. Holy Landing
  2. Cooking in Red Socks
  3. Food is Fuel
  4. Dining Out Skinny DC
  5. Eating Your Way From College Student to Adult
  6. Charmed in Charm City
  7. Byl Miles
  8. Iced Coffee and History
  9. The Classy Bee
  10. Wholesome Living
  11. A Fit Girl’s Martini

To the bloggers I chose- I really just wanted to let you know that you’re appreciated over here in my wicked healthy washingtonian world. If any of you fabulous authors are feeling like you’re floundering about life and questioning things you have going on- just know that you are valued by at least one lil person out there.

Plus, I wanted to share your blogs with my readers because they’re all awesome. Readers- check out this list of blogs if you’re looking for some good reads. All of the authors I shared with you above are awesome.

Alright, I think it’s bed time. Sleep is good and I’m up too late.

Keep it wicked healthy xoxo

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8 thoughts on “Floundering

  1. Such a great message. also duh I got the Justin reference, no shame there. I think the blog world does have that thin line of wanting to get inspired but at time feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of perfection. I think rocking yourself will surprise you more than you can imagine

  2. I remind myself that it’s okay if I don’t do everything at once (i.e. cooking, mopping, blogging, laundry – it’s all gonna get done eventually, but it’s not realistic to plan to do it all tonight, lol). So I prioritize and let the little things fall by the wayside. Do what matters, do what you love! Thanks for the honest post.

  3. aw thanks ladyyy!!! i seriously hear ya on the being overwhelmed with life thing! lately it seems like every day is going by so quickly and sometimes i feel like i get so wrapped up in work/working out/eating healthy/ trying to hang out with friends & family/ dating….that i sometimes forget to just breath! i have really been trying to ease up on stressing out about everything and just take it one day at a time!! just know you are not alone in your feelings…especially at the age we are at now!!

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