Not going to lie, today is one of those days where I feel like I’m going to be scraping the bottom of the barrel (bottom of the chest?) for treasures. It’s not that I’m not grateful for a lot of good things in my life, but this week has just been a long one. I had some high highs but I also had some low lows. Despite the fact that its my Friday and the weekend begins tomorrow, I’m feeling blue (cue world’s smallest violin). I don’t know what it is lately that’s making me feel so blah. Last night I definitely did naht get enough sleep and so I am wicked exhausted today. Boo that, man.
I need a vacation… from my own brain. The expression, “you’re your own worst enemy” could not be more spot on. I’m just so worn down from feeling guilty all the time and nit picking every thing. I try and tell myself that there is no such thing as perfection and I need to just breathe and let things go but we all know it’s easier said than done. All this heaviness has made me feel like I could sleep for a hundred years. If only I’d let myself rest for five minutes without feeling guilty about it.
When I was google imaging pictures for this post, the sad man above (I know that feel, bro) led me to a blog called “Guiltless.” Their blog is all about self-love and improving body image. They don’t update the blog very frequently, but let’s just say I found it at a good time and enjoyed reading some of their posts.
As my R.D. said to me in an email this morning, “the honeymoon phase is over.” Damn did she hit the nail on the head. It’s become a lot harder to accept and deal with this whole gaining weight, eating more, resting more thing now that I’ve gotten comfortable with the new meal plan. At first my new meal plan was fun, exciting, something different- and now it’s settled in and real life has come a-knocking. She said she knew it would happen and that it was totally normal for me to feel this way. Still, that doesn’t really make me feel okay with it.
I’ve started to physically see the results of this new plan and I won’t lie, it’s scary. It’s scary to gain weight even though deep down I want it and logically know I need it when everything around me is telling me to be super skinny and small. I am constantly questioning that the people helping me know what they’re doing and that I am doing the right thing.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not derailing here or anything and I’m certainly not giving up- I’m just saying- things have been really challenging lately and it’s wearing me down. I’ve noticed some of my old behaviors flaring up here and there and I know it’s just because I scared of the progress I’m making and what it will bring for me in the future.
But again, admitting I am not perfect and that I need help is okay. Sabotaging myself and giving up is not.
Trying to squeeze out the goodness from the end of my work week is probably a good idea. It can only bring me an extra dose of positivity.
SO here are this week’s Thursday Treasures:
1. Random Run-Ins
Lately I’ve been running into friends and acquaintances in the city a lot. I like feeling like the city is my neighborhood and I have the potential to see so many faces I know. I saw Nick when I was with Will over the weekend and have seen lots of new friends from the DC healthy lifestyle blogging community all over the place. I even saw one of my sorority sisters when I was running outside on Tuesday- I was sure to yell her name as I run by like a freak.
But the best run in of the week happened today. I went out for a walk after eating lunch and was feeling so down. I didn’t really want to listen to music, I was tired, cranky, it was cold- but I wanted to be in the sun and not wallowing at my work desk. Apparently someone else had the same idea as me because I ran into my friend Sara! It’s moments like these that make me believe in a higher power. The new Pope Francis is already working hard for me 😉 But seriously, running into her could not have come at a better time- I really needed a friend. We walked and talked together but most importantly- we saw each other in non-workout clothes for the first time ever! Yes, you read that right.
2. Yoga as Real Exercise
As someone who loves the “cardio rush” and the feeling that an intense workout brings, most of the time yoga just doesn’t cut it for me. I never feel like I’m getting an efficient workout and end up feeling guilty for taking an hour to practice yoga instead of running or lifting. But truth be told- yoga is important for me. It’s more challenging than all my other workouts because of the mental limits it pushes for me. Maybe that’s also why I avoid it? I don’t know. I went to yoga Monday and Wednesday this week and of course feel guilty about it and don’t feel like they were quality workouts. But I’m trying to tell myself that they were quality workouts- different- but quality.
PLUS yoga reminds me of the GOOD things that have come from me eating more! The strength in my legs and arms has greatly improved. When I rise up into Warrior 2 or lunges, my legs actually feel strong and stable. I noticed this for the first time last night.
Yoga. It’s “real exercise” and something I shouldn’t brush to the side so quickly.
Also- the class I took yesterday at the Historic Heurich House in Dupont Circle for the first time continued my ever continuing pattern of having an instructor try and relax me during shavasana. Apparently EVERYONE can see that I’m tense. Cool. BUT it was the first time that someone picked up both of my feet and swung my legs slowly back and forth. Sounds weird- it felt SO COOL! Especially because my eyes were closed.
3. Seeing Oz this Weekend
In the midst of St. Patrick’s Day and NBC Health and Fitness Expo stuff this weekend, Will and I are going to try and see Oz. I’ve wanted to see it for a while now and am wicked excited!
4. Trader Joes
I feel like I’ve been talking your faces off about Trader Joes lately but I’m officially obsessed. They’ve made my week super delicious from their relatively cheap but quality smoked salmon to their portabella provolone raviolis to their dark chocolate coconut mango bites. I’m going grocery shopping tonight instead of tomorrow because I have an appointment over by the store later andddd am weirdly excited about getting there.
(Click here to read the post where I announced this sweet opportunity)
Even though I just want to take a nap at the moment, I am pumped about the NBC Health and Fitness Expo this weekend. I feel like I’ve been talking about it forever and now its finally happening! If you missed it the other day, I was involved with my first ever press release about the event!
Having the chance to share my thoughts on sustainable weight loss and everyday healthy advice for the average person- it’s something I truly value. I can’t wait to see who I’ll meet and I can’t wait to hopefully provide good advice for those of you out there who trust my opinion. I’ll be tweeting about it all day I’m sure and you should expect a expo recap post weekend!
If you want to come see me, you will find me at the Diet-to-Go area:
- Saturday, March 16th
- 11am-12pm Booth 2404
- 1pm-2pm Booth 1513
- 3pm-5pm I’ll be participating in a panel discussion
- Sunday, March 17th
- 10am-11am Booth 2404
Besides getting to meet and talk to me, the expo is free and will have so many cool things going on. There will be cooking demos, exercise demos, tastings, panel discussions, booths on booths on booths- so stop on by! The weather forecast for the weekend is calling for rain so what better weekend to take the time to come inside and learn about eating right and exercising. Bar hop for St.Patrick’s day in Chinatown/Penn Quarter post-expo 😉
6. Wes Welker oh right, that would be the OPPOSITE of a treasure this week…
There’s a lot more treasures buried in the sand but I think my metal detector has run out of batteries for the day. Sleepy girl is sleepy and can’t type anymore. Good thing tonight involves naht working out and naht cooking (hooray for leftover raviolis from trader joes!) Hopefully I get some quality zzz’s tonight- I’m supposed to spin at 6:30 tomorrow morning eeeeep!
Well. At the end of the day- even if I’m feeling bad- I need to just remind myself that I’m doing good, there are good days, there have been good days, and a lot of progress has been made so far. I’m doing my best. I need to convince myself that I’m doing my best.
Keep it wicked healthy xoxo