Last night’s dinner was delicious and I loved it. It did not, however, keep me full for very long, which I’ll talk about later. But first- let’s discuss this recipe because it was so so good.
- Franks Buffalo Hot Sauce (while I have succumbed to a Sriracha obsession as of late, I still love Franks)
- Parmesan Cheese
- Ground Chicken
I added a slice of provolone cheese to my burger about 2 minutes before taking it off the pan so it would get all melty. I served my burger on a whole grain sandwich thin and ate it up with A LOT of green beans on the side. These were the kind that came in one of those microwavable steaming bags- helllllllo convenience. It was a pretty easy dinner overall.
I also threw a handful of spinach and chopped red onion onto the “burger bun.” Red onions are definitely one of my favorite veggies- and my favorite onion variety. So pungent. Usually my contact lenses prevent my eyes from watering when I chop onions (cool and weird I know) but I chopped the onion on Sunday before putting my contacts in for the day (no worries- I had my glasses on) and my eyes teared up LIKE CRAZY. Good thing you’re worth it, red onions.
Mmmmm. It tasted heavenly.And while I wasn’t hungry right after eating dinner, I realized about an hour later that I was hungry still and I wasn’t satisfied. Can you guess why? I knew why. There were no healthy fats incorporated into my meal. I started beating myself up for not incorporating some sweet potato wedges roasted in olive oil or throwing some avocado onto my burger. If I had only done those things than I wouldn’t be hungry. Hello perfectionist mentality. I hate that sometimes I see “being hungry” as a bad thing. I think its one of the side effects that can grow from calorie counting. When you’re calorie counting, you’re constantly dealing with the numbers and figuring out how you can stay at your calorie limit. So being unexpectedly hungry freaks you out because you don’t want to throw off your calorie plan. Maybe that’s just me, but I’ve been told it’s not by a long shot. Either way- I know it’s not good or healthy and it’s part of the reason I’m in counseling and seeing an R.D.
Because it was past the dinner hour and really close to when I would be going to bed, I felt afraid to just go in my kitchen and eat more (even if it was some mixed nuts or a spoonful of nut butter). I knew logically that if I ate something more, I would feel okay and be able to sleep better and that it was the right thing to do (duh- eat when you’re hungry, allison). BUT for whatever calorie counting mental restriction madness I was experiencing last night, I agonized over the decision. And ultimately, I didn’t eat more. And did I sleep like crap? You betcha. Did I think about food until breakfast time? You betcha. Was I really really really sad? You betcha. While embarrassing and not healthy at all, I’m sharing this is to show you some of the awful thinking I’m working on eliminating with my R.D.
Have I mentioned how being healthy is a lifelong process and journey? Okay good. Because I can’t stress enough how much it is.
When I was writing my daily email to my R.D. giving her my food diary, I knew exactly what she was going to say. And today I woke up to an email telling me, that my dinner was lacking healthy fats and that I needed more of them. She asked me to brainstorm some ways to incorporate them next time. She asked me what I would enjoy eating or adding and then gave recommendations on how much to add. She was very pro my sweet potato wedges and avocado additions. She also reminded me to always eat when I’m hungry and honor my body- something I sometimes need reminding of.
I refuse to not take care of myself. I refuse to not do everything in my power to get better and form a better relationship with food and myself. Some days I love me, but some days I really don’t. But I know I need to see every day as just that- a single day. Each day is another day for progress. Nothing happens over night and I know that I’m going to have good and bad days with food and my mental sanity. It’s just the reality of my life right now. The best I can do is do my best each day to find happiness and work on the tasks my counselor and R.D. give me. The best I can do each day is make the hard, small choices and changes that are going to be beneficial for me in the long run.
I am strong. I am not the person my food issues try and box me in as- worthless- undeserving of the feelings of satisfaction, happiness, and love. I know I can do anything and I do in fact deserve to feel those feelings every single day. For anyone who has dealt with these issues or is just looking for a really inspiring blog, I highly recommend checking out For the Love of Kale which is written by a young woman named Heather in Massachusetts. A couple of her posts really pulled on my heart strings today and I can’t thank my friend Sara enough for making me aware of it’s existence. In one of Heather’s entries she included the image:
I have always been my own hero- I need to remember this more often when I’m feeling down. I can be my own hero day in an day out. I can commit to the changes I know I need to make and take back my mental well being.
I’m a Massachusetts girl God damn it- I can handle anything.
Here’s to things getting better, progress, and finding my inner beauty and strength.
Also, , my apologies to Julie for associating her recipe with such a heavy topic- I swear it wasn’t the plan. Your recipe was still delicious and I will be making it again. Just with some more of the things my body needs to make it work for me.